Back to the basics with new attitude and perspective

I'm sure it's no secret that I'm a slow learner, but I still feel embarrassed (and yet obligated) to make a confession in order to share a "simple" truth that I'm only beginning to comprehend. For years, I have had the heart to serve. I've wanted to be involved in the Lord's work, to help build The Kingdom in whatever way the Lord leads. Here am I; send me. What can I do?

This is all good, but somehow the purpose got lost in the effort. I became so task oriented and more focused on what I was (or could be) doing that I overlooked many of the people God wanted me to touch. At one point, a few of my trusted friends and I were talking, and one of them was comparing me to another and quite frankly said, "[He] is nice. Brian, you fake it." I was rightfully disturbed, but I excused it as though they must be mistaken.

As time went on, people often became an annoyance, so much so that I eventually confessed that I really didn't like people. "Ministry would be a lot easier if it wasn't for the people." That all sounds so shallow and foolish now.

I was thinking recently about how wonderful it would be to do something really great for the Kingdom, to be a missionary and reach lost souls for example. The question that immediately hit me was, "When are you going to start?" And right on top of that one was, "How does that happen?"

My great epiphany was so elementary one would think it goes without saying. My logical answer was, "I must start now --with love." I've tried so hard so many times to teach love to kids, but at times, now, I feel like I'm only beginning to practice it. I claimed to love those around me; I had love for them; I even shared love with them at times, but I feel like I'm now starting to give it, to live it.

It's in the little things, like realizing that that goofy kid who is so hard to communicate with deserves no less of my love and attention than anyone else who happens to be in the same room. It's consistent eye contact. It's noticing hurts and acknowledging them rather than avoiding them. It's giving people time and respect (anyone), expecting nothing in return, despite the tasks that are going undone.

In short, it's liberating to truly, selflessly give your life away everyday to each person with which you come in contact --and looking for ways to make that contact.

God help me.