The Pilgrim's Progress

As a young man, I was zealous for Christianity. This got me into Bible college, church leadership and world travel. I was trained to preach, teach and evangelize.

When I went to Southeast Asia the first time, I had to begin to come to terms with the fact that I really didn't know what I was preaching. I was assigned to go with a group of girls, and because of the culture, I was forced to be the lead spokesmen. No longer would my simple Sunday School answers work. Silly skits and self-help-love-your-neighbor-motivational speeches just don't have the same impact cross-culturally, and they lack the depth of truth needed to pull someone out of ingrained paganism and idol worship. What was I preaching? What was my message? What is the Gospel? Was it that the creator made a bunch of rules that none of us can follow, so He sent His Son to suffer and die to set us free from His own instructions!? How does that work? Is the Son working against the Father? Did the Son accomplish what the devil could not, allowing guilt-free braking of the Father's instructions in righteousness?

I remember confessing to the leader, “I have nothing to say.” To which she retorted, “That's a lie!”

I managed to preach the sermons like I knew what I was talking about.

When I returned to Thailand the next year, I felt like G-d was telling me to just shut up and listen. This seemed strange as I was supposed to be a missionary, sharing Christ, evangelizing, ect. I thought, “Salvation is found in knowing the Savior.” But even the demons know who the Savior is, so it can be just knowledge/education. So I thought, “It's about selflessly loving your neighbor.” But nearly every religion teaches love. Are all religions the same with different packaging? That's certainly not what the Scriptures say. “Do not worship the L-RD your G-d in the way these pagan peoples worship their gods.” Deuteronomy 12:4

I realized that I needed and wanted to know the message of the Messiah.

One day, over tea, a close missionary friend confided in me that he couldn't reconcile the G-d of the Old Testament with the G-d of the New Testament. The first seemed to be about laws, judgment and wrath while the latter seems to be about peace, love and forgiveness. How can this be? How does this work?

I was disappointed with myself that I could not give him an answer.

Meanwhile, I was doing an independent study trying to finish my Bible college degree. One of the assignments was to interview someone from a different religion. So I met with a Islamic professor. During the interview, she asked me, “Do you follow the teachings of Paul; or do you follow the teachings of Jesus?” That was a curve ball I wasn't expecting. I hadn't made the comparison, so I denied that there was a difference.

Again, I was disappointed at my ignorance.

Another year or two passed, and I was back in the states. One day, while reading my Bible I found myself in Leviticus 23. There G-d is explaining His annual holidays, and He repeatedly says (in various ways) “...it shall be a statute forever throughout your generations in all your dwellings”. I thought, “I have never done these.” So I walked across the street to the seminary student center. I explained that one of the biblical holidays is coming up, and I would like to be involved if anyone is acknowledging it. The lady looked at me a little puzzled and said, “I don't think anyone is dong anything for that.”

I walked away thinking, “Some-thing's wrong. Our scriptures repeatedly say to do this forever, and the place that trains our spiritual leaders doesn't follow the instructions.”

So I got on craigslist and found a family that celebrates according to the Scriptures. They came over, and we had a good visit, but they lived too far away to fellowship regularly. The man recommended I watch some teachings by Jim Staley with Passion for Truth Ministries. I watched some of the teachings, but replied by email to my new friend, “If you're trying to bring back the Law, no thank you.”

I was willing to obey by having more holidays, but I didn't want the responsibility/obligation of real lifestyle change. I thought, “Didn't Jesus change all that, so we don't have to follow all those rules anymore?”

Meanwhile, my mom was exposing the paganism in Christmas and Easter. It didn't take much research at all to see that she was right, and those are some disgusting holidays. But my conscience began to bother me about Sunday. Again, it wasn't hard to find that Sunday really isn't the Sabbath. Yet I always understood that Christians are still responsible to follow the ten commandments, so what do we do about the 4^th?

In my ignorant zeal, I began to follow the Lunar Sabbath. This is a theory that teaches that the weekly Sabbath is based on the New moon, and therefore changes each month. One month the 7 day cycle may start on Tuesday; the next month it may be Wednesday, and so on. My employer was very compliant with my confusing calendar, but it was rather silly. I later realized that Yeshua affirmed the Saturday Sabbath cycle that the Jews were and still are honoring.

It was during this time that Heidi and Kendra (my daughters) moved out, and I moved back to KC to be with Keen (my son, who was attending a private Christian school). We then attended my grandfather's church on Sunday's, but I was secretly (halfway) honoring a different Sabbath.

One day, an old friend invited me to meet him for coffee at McDonald's. I was really into End-Time prophecy, and I was always hungry to find another piece to the puzzle. He asked for my thoughts on Isaiah 65 and 66. “What do you think about this?” he asked pointing to the first few verses of 65. This is the end of Isaiah's prophecies. G-d is giving a list of things (or people) that have Him infuriated enough to bring judgment on all flesh with fire and bring about a New Heaven and New Earth. End-Times... hasn't happened... right up my alley... bring it... and then I read, “...A people who provoke Me to anger continually to My face;...Who eat swine’s flesh, And the broth of abominable things is in their vessels;” And later He mentions it again in 66:17, “'Those...Eating swine’s flesh and the abomination...Shall be consumed together,' says the L-rd.”

It was like a light came on. I thought, “If the dietary instructions still apply, maybe all the instructions still apply.” I argued with my Torah observant friend for a couple weeks, but all my arguments fell flat under the wealth of Scripture against me.

Of course, I went to Peter's vision. But Peter and the elders both interpret the dream as an invitation to Gentiles. With two interpretations of the vision, no one mentions food after Peter's confusion is settled.

I went to Yeshua's declaring “all foods clean,” but in both passages He is talking about the tradition of hand washing (although good for health and hygiene, it's not a Torah commandment). Just because I'm ceremonially unclean (because I had an adult occurrence, a fun night with the wife, touched a dead body a couple days ago, etc) doesn't mean I have to fast until I'm in proper standing again, nor does the hand washing make me or the food extra sanctified. And pig (for example) was never food anyway; the Torah tells us what is food and what is not food. So declaring all foods clean changes nothing.

I realized that there is one thing that the Messiah said not to think. He said, “Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill. For assuredly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, one jot or one tittle will by no means pass from the law till all is fulfilled.” I have learned that when a Jew talks about doing a commandment (giving to charity for example), it is referred to as fulfilling the command. He obeyed (fulfilled) all of Torah, and we are to live like He lived and fulfill the Torah also. He said, “If you love Me, keep My commandments.”

I even tried the argument that the Torah is just for the Jews. But that fell apart terribly. To begin with, it was a mixed multitude that came out of Egypt and received the Torah. Then, He says, “One ordinance shall be for you of the assembly and for the stranger who dwells with you, an ordinance forever throughout your generations; as you are, so shall the stranger be before the Lord. One law and one custom shall be for you and for the stranger who dwells with you.” Numbers 15:15-16 Even Paul says, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Yeshua the Messiah.” Galatians 3:28

Then the excuse came up that those instructions are only for when the people are in the land, and we are a long way from Israel so they don't apply to us in this place. But this is a terribly weak point in light of passages like: “Now it shall come to pass, when all these things come upon you, the blessing and the curse which I have set before you, and you call them to mind among all the nations where the L-rd your G-d drives you, and you return to the L-rd your G-d and obey His voice, according to all that I command you today, you and your children, with all your heart and with all your soul, that the L-rd your G-d will bring you back from captivity, and have compassion on you, and gather you again from all the nations where the L-rd your G-d has scattered you.” Deuteronomy 30:1-3

I began to read the Scriptures with new eyes looking for evidence of the eternal commandments, and I began to feel like it was on every page. Why hadn't I seen this before? There was no longer a disconnect between the Old and New Testaments. Its one story with one unified message.

Moses is saying it repeatedly. For example: “You shall not add to the word which I command you, nor take from it, that you may keep the commandments of the L-rd your G-d which I command you.” Deuteronomy 4:2

“‘Cursed is the one who does not confirm all the words of this law by observing them.'...” Deuteronomy 27:26

The Psalmist says it over and over. For example: The longest chapter in the Bible, Psalm 119, is dedicated to the topic.

142 “Your righteousness is an everlasting righteousness,

And Your law is truth.

143 Trouble and anguish have overtaken me,

Yet Your commandments are my delights.

144 The righteousness of Your testimonies is everlasting;

Give me understanding, and I shall live.”

160 “The entirety of Your word is truth,

And every one of Your righteous judgments endures forever.”

The Messiah even says, “...For this cause I was born, and for this cause I have come into the world, that I should bear witness to the truth...” (John 18:37) And a chapter earlier He defines Truth as He prays with, “Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth.” (John 17:17 granted, I don't understand how John got record of these two conversations, but that is for a deeper study).

All the Prophets are talking about it. “Yet the L-rd testified against Israel and against Judah, by all of His prophets, every seer, saying, “Turn from your evil ways, and keep My commandments and My statutes, according to all the law which I commanded your fathers, and which I sent to you by My servants the prophets.” 2 Kings 17:13

“Remember the Law of Moses, My servant,

Which I commanded him in Horeb for all Israel,

With the statutes and judgments.

Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet

Before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the L-rd.” Malachi 4:4-5

The Apostles affirm it. For example, Peter says, “[H]aving been born again, not of corruptible seed but incorruptible, through the word of G-d which lives and abides forever, because

'All flesh is as grass,

And all the glory of man as the flower of the grass.

The grass withers,

And its flower falls away,

But the word of the L-rd endures forever.'

Now this is the word which by the gospel was preached to you.“ 1 Peter 1:23-25

The other writers make it clear (with perhaps the exception of Paul, but again, we can get into that later). “For I give you good doctrine: Do not forsake my law.” Proverbs 4:2

“Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter:

Fear G-d and keep His commandments,

For this is man’s all.” Ecclesiastes 12:13

In contrast to the signs of who is included in the Kingdom and how we ought to walk, we also find many disturbing passages defining who is not and why. “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘L-rd, L-rd,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, ‘L-rd, L-rd, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’” Matthew 7:21-23

“One who turns away his ear from hearing the law, Even his prayer is an abomination.” Proverbs 28:9

“To the law and to the testimony! If they do not speak according to this word, it is because there is no light in them.” Isaiah 8:20

I realized that, as I taught children religion apart from the Torah, I was one of the wolves in sheep's clothing that Yeshua was warning about. Because the prophet Ezekiel defines a leader who is a wolf, “Her priests have violated My law and profaned My holy things; they have not distinguished between the holy and unholy, nor have they made known the difference between the unclean and the clean; and they have hidden their eyes from My Sabbaths, so that I am profaned among them. Her princes in her midst are like wolves tearing the prey, to shed blood, to destroy people, and to get dishonest gain.” 22:26-27

I found a ministry (119ministries) that helps Greek-minded westerners like us better understand how the Torah is lived in todays world and why. I loved it and ate it like candy. I was so hungry for answers. Their motto seemed to be “Test everything”, and they encouraged their viewers to test their teachings with the scriptures.

After I repented and began my walk in the Way, the Truth and the Light (not that I have arrived or have it all figured out), I was so excited about this new insight, and I was concerned for my loved ones who where outside of Truth. So I somewhat threw it in their faces, and quoted scriptures like,

“...The Gentiles shall come to You

From the ends of the earth and say,

'Surely our fathers have inherited lies,

Worthlessness and unprofitable things.'” Jeremiah 16:19

This is not what parents and grandparents like to hear. Go figure. Its kind of like the proverb, “A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.” 18:19 I didn't know how to present it to them, and I thought that if they would just watch 119ministries' teachings they would understand. This made it look like Brian found some website and joined some cult. The poor poor man...yada yada.

Anyway, it's been (and still is) an exciting journey, and I'm happy to go on and give more details, but hopefully this gives you a little better understanding of the changes I have made in my life lately. I love the Torah. Moses was right; in it you will find Life. It's the primary message of the sermon on the mount. We have a rock we can build our lives on. It is the foundation that our entire value-set and world-view should be based. When we detox bad doctrine, misguided cultural priorities and personal opinions about how to love/serve G-d and others, and we in-turn reprogram our minds and hearts around what He says is important and how He says He wants to be loved / served, our walk goes to a much deeper level (if we were even walking to begin with).

Tears of Injustice

"Fifteen girls are going to have their hearts broken, and he doesn't even care!" Tears streamed down Kendra's face as we stood alone in a dark room, and she was almost yelling in frustration over what she saw as selfishness and injustice.
Once a week the children at the hostel are treated to a movie night. They get out the projector in the chapel, and stay up late watching movies. The moving pictures are a treasured escape from the concrete walls of the campus and the slow pace of village life.
This week, the girls had their hearts set on watching a certain teenage chick-flick that had been loaned to us by a local missionary family. The movie was a common kids movie in the States, but it was contrary to the values the hostel leadership was trying to teach.
Kendra didn't understand how offencive the movie was to the leadership. All she could see was a young male administrator practicing his authority by overruling the girlie movie so he could watch a guy movie. Kendra knew they would watch the chick-flick in Thai, so she wouldn't be able understand the movie if the girls won. That wasn't the point. In her mind it wasn't fair. The one with the power should not ignore the voices of so many and selfishly do as he or she wishes.
I was so proud of my young justice fighter. I told her that it's good to hurt for the suffering of others, but we must not let the love for the seemingly oppressed turn into finger-pointing and passing judgment on those who hold the power. We must not let the love for some turn to bitterness for others.
It's interesting how so often my children face the same frustrations I do just on a different level. It's so easy to speak truth into their "little" issues, but usually when I do the words swing out of my mouth, slap me on the cheek and dart back in my own ear to stab my heart right where I'm struggling.

Last weekend Kim came to town to say, "Good bye" to the kids before we leave for Thailand.

No doubt our broken family is a tragedy, and I wish I had the wisdom to mend it. But it's in the darkness that our little lights shine the brightest. I'm thankful that, even though there isn't unity, there is peace.

Kim wanted to get pics of us and to spend some time together, so we drove up near Cincinnati to see her sister, Keni, and her girls, Natalie and Nicole. Keni is a professional photographer, and she took us to the flower conservatory.


It was beautifully constructed with plants from all around the globe, but the greater beauty was not the flowers, but rather the expressions of love and forgiveness by the people enjoying them.

All that and a bag of chips

A dear friend told me a few months ago that I had a chip on my shoulder, but I don't think it was a very fair observation. Truth is, since she pointed it out, I've found a pile of chips on my shoulders, and they've been weighing me down and smothering me.

It started toward the end of last year's trip to southeast Asia. After witnessing the imbalance in the global Church and experiencing the needs of our ignored brothers ans sisters, I was faced with the question of "What do I do now?"

But I'm afraid my empathy for one continent turned to bitterness toward another, and my longing to do the right thing turned in to an ego driven determination. "Brother, I'm on a mission of love from God, so don't stand in my way or I'll calmly attack you, your lifestyle, and your worldview with scripture and statistics that will make you cower to my wisdom and humble perspective."
Somehow in my pursuit of justice, I became the judge.

02. Nuisance The Boy vs The Cynic by John Reuben

Lyrics: So here we are in this same old spot Knowing something needs to happen but our mouths are locked Tongue tied closed tight sealed shut yup I tried hard but it just wouldn’t come up It’s on the tip of my tongue it’s in the front of my mind Yet the words were still so hard to find Finally the reality of things to come pushed me to the edge I jumped off the cliff into the abyss as I said chorus I’m not trying to be a nuisance I just think we can do better than this that was simply my two cents you can you can take it or leave it The conversation lingered on and on and Before I knew it night had turned to dawn and Were we searching for the truth in all of it Or are we debating just to win the argument Cuz none of us want to hear about where we go wrong This song could easily be from me to you or me to John Cuz I have the potential to be the guiltiest My greatest strength is also my strongest weakness (chorus) Let’s think about this path that we’re taking Let’s think about this future we’re creating Let’s think about this life that is fading Think about it, come on think about it now Let’s think about this time that we’re spending Investing in monetary things that are ending Let’s think about it and let’s think together And let’s think about what we can do to make it better (chorus) We can and we will do better than this

The loss of George

The study of missions has made me more aware of cultures and cultures within cultures. It's really interesting to watch how people interact. It's particularly eye opening when you step out of your own for a season and then return.
I have recently been amerced in to the Kentucky blue-collar world, and I find it quite amusing. I stopped to listen to a couple of men talking at the job site today. They thought I was interested in the conversation, and I was to a degree. But what really intrigued me was the fact that one of them was speaking English with such a country slur I had to make an effort to follow. It was like another language.

One dear friend invited me to his "place" for lunch. He owns quite a bit of land a long the river with a number of rental properties, but he's living out of several tents and a RV trailer. He's planning on turning his "new" box truck into living space as well. His house burnt down about 5 months ago, and He's working on rebuilding, but the kicker for me was the lumber delivered today, not for the house, but for the new deck he wants me to help him build over the river.
How people determine priorities and lifestyles is fascinating. He loves his simple, debt-free living, and even his wife seems happy.

This Thanksgiving brought a bit of a downer for him though. He had befriended a couple of wild, white geese. They knew his voice. As he would walk down toward the river and call, "George!...Lucy!" And they would start honking.
He went to visit his daughter for Thanksgiving, and when he returned, Lucy was alone and honking inconsolably. These sort of geese mate for life. Someone must have shot George for their family feast. My friend was so angry the next time I saw him, he said, "I hate people." He took time off to make Lucy a home on the bank out of bails of straw.
Today when we went to lunch, he made sure to feed her. "I gotta' keep her eating through her morn'n."
One of his friends was there and asked about her mate. He seemed upset as well to hear of the loss and agreed to help get her a new partner.

Some would argue that these folk have their priorities messed up and need to change their lifestyles, and how this all meshes with my Christian views of priorities and such is up for debate. But I'm gleaning some insight from the riverbank and learning a bit about love from this culture within my culture.

Heidi's Thoughts About Honor vs. Justice

I personally think that honor is better than justice; because well if you honor someone you usually respect them and put them first. It says in the Bible, put others first; love your enemies ,treat them with love and care just like you would your son, daughter, or even a pet that is very dear to you. It says pray for those who persecute you. It also says commandment num. 5- honor you father and your mother like kings and queens.

So I have to say I respect that command; and I try my best day by day to follow that command. As I was told by my dad, friends, pastor, and many of my grandparents.

Justice I’m not that sure about. Some people say that when someone is about to get someone back for hurting them they sometimes say “justice is served…” or something like that.

Some people are in the army or in the marines; they sometime just do it for the justice of their country or maybe because their close friend is in it; but quite frankly I can’t see God holding a gun and shooting at men, women, and children. The people they are fighting against need to be taught how to love. Not only that but they are very thirsty for the word of God. They may not show it but you should know in your heart that they do. If you don’t know that; that’s fine but don’t point a gun at them.

People have been fighting in Iraq so much that they have killed so many men. So now they are fighting for justice, even though they are running out of men. So they are recruiting children; and women. Soon they won’t have anything to fight for.

So no offence to those who I am talking about; the whole war thing pretty stupid. If you’re fighting for justice of your country, just stop fighting period.

Why not show some honor to them. Like I said in my first paragraph; love your enemies. Pray for those who persecute you. So if they (the people we are fighting as of now) are considered enemies then don’t kill them, don’t even hold them hostel. Let them live their life how it is; and if you can try to help make their lives better.

Its called changing the world. So if you want to be famous. Love, learn, and live try to change the world. Don’t join the army and the marines because its cool; in fact try not to do it at all. Try to make honoring people your goal in life.

Life with out honor would be a catastrophe. We (us kids) would probably not be here this very day if we didn’t honor the law, our parents, ect. What if we didn’t honor police authority? What if we didn’t follow the lights? This world would be a disaster. When all we have to do is honor authority.

So my vote has to completely go to honor.

Too true

A treasured friend in Thailand sent this to me today speaking of the urgency of the Gospel.

This is the time, no more delay!
This is the Lord's accepted day.

Come, thou, this moment, at his call,

And live for him Who died for all.

Your grounds forsake, your oxen quit,

Your every earthly thought forget,

Seek not the comforts of this life,

Nor sell your Savior for a wife.